Goodmorning. Had a dream this morning where i actually was shown i still had some worth. I was sent back many years to my Dry cleaning days in management. I was in my last cleaners i ran, but it was in today's world. I went in and talked to the help,told them to keep working but watch me as i ran their business. It was mostly for the manager. I ask her(the manager) did she wish to be successful?
Of course she said yes. I then said"watch me and all of you do what i tell you when i tell you.So i got busy because they were overrun with customers coming in and out of the lobby. i moved just like i did in the day, lol. Barking out orders...you go there,you do this while i do that, from the lobby with customers dropping off and picking up cloths.Cloths everywhere but in order,in neat piles,and neet bins to place them in until cleaning them. Me helping my employees in methodical but a fast way,watching things come together. Me knowing that even during the seemingly overwhelmed way,that it was going to come together and customers and employees were going to be happy.AND IT DID.
So when it slowed down i looked across at the manager and the employees and said " if you want to be successful,this is the way you must do it" End of my dream.
What happened next, was that i woke up, feeling i had a sense of worth again. I was thing and it made me sad,that i never ever had a successful marriage. My partners never wanted to hear what i was saying about anything. I listened to them,went way far out of my way to encourage them in their jobs ,and later their spiritual lives.
I found myself sometimes with little money, and sometimes with more money. In both cases i gave it my all. Doing house work (constantly) watching for their needs of their work,so i could pitch in where needed, and i did. But i found an issue i never thought about.
Once the girl i married (later) had a room mate that was gay.(Female) I had a nice but small place to live for about 10 yrs,but we decided i would give up my place,and move in hers.(She rented as well).
I set out to clean ,paint,scrubb mildew rearrange furniture etc. I made it look like a doll house.I set up an extra room as a place to study my bible,pay bills etc. The Gay renter lived in the back and shared the kitchen, and laundry room. I told her to feel welcome and she could use the entire house if she wished.I am very much against
gay living. To me as well as to the LORD, its an abomination. Yet i treated her graciously regardless,staying away from her when she discussed relationships with her female partner.and i promise you it sounded like a normal relationship between a man and a woman.
So what does this have to do with my dream of feeling some worth here on this earth. Well here we go. To shorten it some what, one night she came from her room, drunk and loud. She jumped on my wife about something,and i tried to calm it down by changing the conversation.It did not work. I was listening to Donald Trump on the news.(Before he was President.) Oh my.....she then jumped me, called me a bible thumper among other things,jumped me for cleaning her room washing her clothes( they were holding up our cleaning our clothes.) I never complained. I bought her a new bedspread and curtains for her room. She cursed me out for that.
She then revealed some things my wife had been saying about me,while my wife just stood there not opening her mouth. Okay here it really is. Apparently people do not want or like me to help.
They keep it in waiting for an opportunity to attack me. WOW.
This is once again has caused the breakup of a marriage. A just walk away break up. Not caring about the commitments we have made together and leaving me holding the bag. Going out saying things to others i never knew were felt. I am not rich with money,so i can't buy my way thru life. I have to bust a gut Physically to make up for it. I have learned that people do not like me to do that. To clean for them,cook for them,cut their grass for them, bragg on them for their success in their business. Ain't it strange that my relationship now is said to be incompatible. (I didn't say it)
So i have no other choice or say so in the matter. She walked away without a word while i was at a church function she was suppose to be involved with.She is talking to everyone in the world but me.
Is this my dirty laundry? What wrong cupcakes,you can't handle it?
Everyone already knows you dirty secrets,your just to cowardly to share it? lol.
I have a strong feeling that the Lord is going to see me through this situation i did not desire.If people do not want to love and respect you while you try to struggle to be on their side, Then we just have to learn and move on. I must be messed up. I'm not a party animal, womanizer, like i used to be,so i am no longer of any value.
Or maybe this dream was given me because the Lord who knows all, knows all!
All my hard work, my being protective, My mental and spiritual sharing, is not in demand anymore. So i will stop trying,give it to the one who knows it all. I love him with all my heart, i trust Him even if it's difficult. You do that as well,if you truly find yourself in this kind of situation.
Notes for all the ones that know me better than i know me,some are distant family that are suppose to be close to me but over the years chose to stay away from this crazy guy.lol.
Thanks after i bust my behind trying to do good,for reminding how blessed i am.(speaking to me as though i did not deserve to have great kids but i do.) Or a good marriage.)
Listen up.....i have learned that no matter how hard you try, sometimes love just ain't good enough. Some will never give you any credit.
By the way.....i write these things to show people that they are not alone with their problems,their broken hearts etc. I have my share and just don't share it. So i shared just a little. Down the road the Lord Jesus Christ will get the glory for my life. It's truly about him.
God bless you all, protect you, and truly love you by not holding your past against you. I love you guys.
Until later.
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