Yesterday was a decent day,but today i hurt. Can't seem to get it together. I feel the need to be planning things,yet i'm in to much pain to stay focused. You know how when we have bad days,but we snap back into reality and all seems to go better? Well what if the snap back is to the reality that all has changed? So you feel more desperate than u did. I seem to have NO drive today. If only i could sleep then wake to a better world.I am trying to share others hurts with them. Sometimes that makes me feel better.Oh well i am trying to push thru.Let me take a little break and i will return.Okay i took a Short nap. Feel some what better. Yet today and yesterday Satan and his crew of demons have been on me like ink on paper. But the word of God says my God is a consuming fire. Well, i did not say it, the writer of the book of Hebrews chapter 12 i believe the last verse. Do i believe it. Yes i do. So as i travel my time in this flesh,through this world i will remember this. I am also reminded of 2nd Corinthians chapter 12:verse 9...Christ tells me that His grace is sufficient for me. That His (CHRIST) strength is made perfect in weakness. I am in a warfare that is beyond this atmosphere. Beyond the thoughts and opinions of any man or woman. My eyes are evenly fixed on the battle, and the call is for God to take up my offense. He is. If any pastor, teacher, etc that's not in this battle with me, is doing himself a disservice and is not dressed for this battle.
Thus defeat would come. This warfare is a test of the will and promises of God.
The scars are in my body, and i sense in a very powerful way,Demons swirling over me and around each side of me.
I feel the Holy Spirit swirling over me as i sleep, protecting me and preparing me for the next battle. Spiritual battles that drag down your body and tire you. Every time i write or teach the battles become more intense.Sometimes they come from places we do not expect. People we do not expect to be our enemies. Very sly attacks.  God humbling me as a person among these folks as i realize that God must do this to keep me from the fight, so He can be made perfect in order to fix the issues in accordance with His will.
Why am i writing this.....because the question is should i advance as  in the flesh,taking control and fixing things somewhat faster? Ya know...the way i have done for 50 years. Now i must start anew and wait upon the Lord?  I have had much advice, yet im not confident with that advice. I see some, itching to tell me, yet they fear. They fear my confidence in Christ.(How much faith do i have?)
Man the pain of waiting on the Lord. The Lord loves those that wish to destroy my trust in Him. Just like He loves me. So now... lets proceed and view this battle. Lets sit on the shoulders of the Lord, on the mountain top and watch Satan Destroy, see if God allows it, and then picks up and rebuilds. Father i'm waiting and watching.
Time is short. For a fixer like me.....it hurts, just to sit idle.
My life my car ,my home, my animals, my food, my medicine, my teaching ,where i attend worship,my finances,ALL are waiting to see which way you take me.You guys if you really care pray for this.
Amen.